Gratitude: Looking for the Light

Imagine being shipwrecked and floating aimlessly at sea. Now imagine a monstrous storm rolling in. Tossing, flipping, churning, rain and waves assaulting from every angle. Now tell me all the things you’re grateful for.

*cue record scratch*

I know, I know…. Your ship has sunk, you’re floating alone on debris in the middle of the ocean, you don’t know where you’re going, when you’ll get there, etc. etc. etc. All these terrible things and here I am asking you to make a list of all the things you’re grateful for.

I get it. I’m angry. I’m heart-broken. My world as I know it is ending. I don’t want to be grateful because I’m not grateful this is happening at all. I don’t want any Pollyanna B.S. right now. I’m floating on the debris in the middle of the ocean. I don’t want to be having this experience to begin with. But here I am having it. Just because I don’t like it doesn’t free me from having to accept it.

I accept it because this is my reality right now. Acceptance doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. Acceptance doesn’t mean I like it. Or that I’m just going to roll over and let it take over my life. I accept my reality for what it is in this moment.

So now I have 3 choices. I can bury my head in the sand and try to pretend it isn’t happening. I can take on the role of the victim and wallow in depression and self-pity. Or, I can, however begrudgingly, find meaning, purpose, positive growth and change, educate myself and face whatever awaits me.

The old me, my younger self was definitely a wallower. If I’m honest, I go through phases of all 3 of those options on a regular basis, but I don’t allow myself to stay long in the first two. It does no one any good if I stay in bed all day, every day and allow myself to slip down the spiral of depression. For my fellow Neverending Story fans, remember what happened to Artax in The Swamp of Sadness? That’s us when we wallow.

The first step when in darkness is to look for the light. Even when in the darkest storm. We find this light by using gratitude. It may be hard, but what are you thankful for? What do you appreciate? It could be a person, a pet, a seemingly simple but often overlooked victory. Even if all you can list is “I’m grateful I can breathe easily and freely. I’m grateful for my dog. I’m grateful I have full use of my arms and legs.” Start where you are and build from there. Search for even the faintest spark of light.

Here’s my list so far:

• I’m grateful for my parents who have always loved and supported me unconditionally.
• I’m grateful for a partner who loves, supports, and encourages me and my dreams.
• I’m grateful for the 39 years I’ve had so far with my parents.
• I’m grateful for the family and friends who have rallied around us and continue to support us.
• I’m grateful the tumor was located in an area of the brain that made it operable.
• I’m grateful that, minus some relatively minor side effects from the surgery, my mother is the same person when she came out of surgery as she was when she went into surgery.
• I’m grateful for modern medicine, excellent treatment, knowledge, and skills of the care team.
• I’m grateful for holistic health practices and my mother being open to prioritizing her health.

There are so many things to be grateful for once the list begins. And as I wrote it, I began feeling the tightness in my chest ease little by little. The truth is that whatever we surround ourselves with shades or perception of reality. If I focus on the negative then my reality will be darker and harder to traverse. Practicing gratitude doesn’t keep the suffering at bay, but it does help to light the way to acceptance.

So this is my challenge to you – find at least 5 things to be grateful for everyday. Comment below with your 5 for today.