Here in the U.S. we are gearing up for the holiday season. This time of year we are preparing meals, we’re traveling, cleaning, stressing, getting ready to stuff our faces with our traditional meals we enjoy for Thanksgiving, and spending time with our loved ones if we’re able.
This time last year I was at my parents’ house. The Thanksgiving meal was being postpone until my brother and his family came, so my parents and I ended up eating at the prestigious Waffle House. I have a picture of them – they’re sitting in the booth, smiling for the camera, completely oblivious to the silly cartoon Snapchat filter I had superimposed on their faces. Our reality was completely different in that moment. Vastly different from our current reality. We were all different people then and blissfully naive to the changes we would face in the next year.
This year I feel a little wiser to what being thankful truly is. 2022 has brought highs and lows, and left me immensely grateful and thankful for all the “one mores.”
One more Thanksgiving.
One more hug.
One more laugh.
One more moment of togetherness.
If I could go back to that moment in the picture, maybe I would encourage that version of me to listen a little more closely, hug a little longer, or converse more deeply. Maybe I would just let her stay in blissful ignorance.
This year, I’m aware. I’m aware that these moments are gifts – this time is precious. The “one mores” are desperate silent pleas of “Please, please, please just one more…”
There’s a regret of taking for granted the little moments and interactions that made up my experience and relationship with my mom. She would often say (in jest and otherwise), “You’ll miss me when I’m gone!” I took that for granted too, rolling my eyes or making a sarcastic remark in return.
I’m one of the lucky ones who enjoys spending holidays with my family. Luckily, mom was always in charge and had everything down to a science. I just had to show up and come to the table when I was called. It was easy to just hang out watching TV and occasionally yelling “Can I help do anything?” showing everyone I’m willing to help but she doesn’t want me in the kitchen…what to do?
I coasted. I loved it. I always looked forward the what was coming next… but I missed the opportunities that were right in front of my face. I had a mini meltdown yesterday trying to make her cornbread dressing – I had the most unhelpful description of a recipe ever, missing ingredients, and worrying she wouldn’t like how I decided to make it instead. I didn’t go in there to watch and learn how she did it all those years. I wish now that she can’t make it that I had.
So, if I have to leave you with one piece of advice:
We are living and experiencing life right now – in this moment…not in the regrets of the past or the anxiety of the future. Be present for it. Savor it. Laugh at the corny dad jokes, memorize the taste of your mom’s casserole she makes every year, roll your eyes if you must, but notice and appreciate the man your brother has become as he’s yelling at the football ref on TV…play all the games with your kids, nieces and nephews. In short – be present and participate in the life going on around you.
We take for granted that we will always have “one more,” but the truth is there will be a time where “one more” becomes the last one. Fixating on the sadness of this grim fact can ruin the moment just the same as being disconnected. Instead, sit in the gratitude; in the pure thanksgiving and celebration of this person, this moment, the time you’re sharing together, and the happy memories you have with each other.
Wishing you and yours a very happy, emotionally healthy, and present holiday season,
Sarah
Unbound Light 