What if I told you that suffering was an option? Would you think I was crazy? Who in their right mind would make the conscious choice to suffer? My answer would be many of us. Probably most of us.
What I’m about to tell you definitely falls into the TMI (Too Much Information) category, but it’s the freshest example in my mind at the moment. My parents live ~3 hours away, and since my mother’s surgery I’ve been driving to visit them every other weekend. Each trip I bring the road trip necessities – snacks and drinks. Unfortunately I drink most of my beverage in the first half of the drive. This part of the trip is on the interstate where there are many exits with gas stations, restaurants, and places with bathroom facilities. The second half is driving through the countryside where the options include shabby looking buildings or a tree. It never fails that the need for a bathroom hits in the populated area right before the land of a million trees but not bathrooms begin. Do I make the smart decision and stop while I have the chance? No. I continue driving and go through a cycle of debating whether to stop at the dilapidated building or find a bush. Neither are a viable option so I suffer the last half of my drive until I make it to my parents’ house. By making the conscious choice to continue driving and not stop at a place I feel comfortable, I by default am choosing to suffer the discomfort of finishing the remainder of the trip with a full bladder.
This past trip was different though. This trip I broke the cycle. I decided I wasn’t going to suffer when I didn’t have to – I stopped at a place I felt safe before I entered no-man’s land. Can we prevent every moment of suffering? No, of course not. Nor should we want to – moments of growth and evolution come from suffering. Do we need to suffer needlessly? Absolutely not.
Some of us seek out suffering. There’s a million reasons why – we feel we deserve to suffer, we punish ourselves, we’re addicted to being a victim, we crave the thrill that comes from it, we like the attention we receive when people comfort or empathize with us. There are millions of different reasons just as there are millions of things we do everyday to suffer needlessly.
Another one I’m guilty of is noticing on my way home from work that I won’t have enough gas to make it back to work the next day. I pass at least 6 gas stations on my commute, yet every time I say, “oh I’ll just get it in the morning…” And of course the next morning I’m cussing myself because I’m late and now have to stop for gas. Being late is another layer btw…
If I do some soul searching as to why I do these things I can see that I’m way too focused on short-term rewards then long-term gains. I want to do what I want in the moment instead of setting my future self up for success. Then add that while nerve-wracking the extra drama that comes from these moments gives me some excitement in an otherwise monotonous day. It gives me topics of conversation to discuss with coworkers. There are benefits, but at what cost?
What would life look like if my focus was doing things now in the moment to help myself have an easier time in the future? Personally, I think I would feel more productive therefore more motivated and focused. When I end my needless suffering I feel at peace, more energized, and that my resiliency is stronger. If you’re constantly running around putting out fires you’ve ignored eventually they will be all-consuming. I get overwhelmed and then just give up before I get started. And it didn’t have to be that way, but those are the consequences of my choices!
To sum it all up….We all suffer in life whether it be physically or emotionally. We can’t avoid all suffering – the human experience is filled with it – again, it’s the catalyst for growth and evolution. But, sometimes we set ourselves up for needless suffering out of our own ignorance of being in this cycle, or the desire to receive something (excitement, sympathy, the thrill of overcoming a challenge, etc.).
It’s up to us to becomes aware of what cycle we’re caught up in, the reason behind it, and how we’re going to break the cycle so our future selves will thank us and feel set up for success. This is your challenge for the week:
- What are the cycles you’re in?
- What purpose do they serve?
- How are you going to break the cycles?
Then let’s take it one step further…
- How are you going to get the attention, love, excitement, etc. that you’re craving?
- How can you stop self-sabotaging?
Unbound Light 